Parents Celebrating 40 years of Marriage

On my parents 40th wedding anniversary, we took them back to the college dorms where they met. They could remember which numbers they lived in and everything. While we were outside taking pictures, a college student came out of the dorm where my dad had lived when they met. My parents described briefly that it was there 40th anniversary and which apartments the two of them had lived in when they met. The student was surprised because not only did he live in the apartment my dad had lived in, but his girlfriend also lived in the apartment my mom had lived in! That probably made some fun conversation for the student that night.

This photo is taken on my parents 40th wedding anniversary in front of the apartment where my dad lived when he met my mom.  

Mother's Day Marriage Musings

On Mother's Day I compared notes with a friend of mine about our mother's day experience. Her husband had bought some presents and was getting ready to cook dinner for her. I thought that sounded like a nice mother's day.
Then, I happened to chat with this friend's husband a few minutes later. He was feeling horrible, because he had forgotten to fix breakfast for his wife. She had had to make it. He was nervous about making dinner, wondering if he'd give anybody food poisoning. I laughed at that part. He was totally focused on helping his wife have a good day, even though it hadn't started great.

This couple has been married close to 30 years. So, I thought maybe I could learn something from them. They'd had the same experience, but they looked at it differently. The husband was recognizing his mistake with breakfast and trying to reconcile by making the rest of the day better. The wife had chosen to look at the positive side of the day, by focusing on what could happen, instead of what did not happen. The husband had bought the presents ahead of time and was willing to tackle the dinner that he really did not feel confident about, just because he thought his wife would like it. I hope their special day ended well.

It seems to me that if we look for the positive things our spouse is doing and sacrifice our comfort zone to help our spouse, then hopefully our marriage can last 30 years and still be strong.

Let Your Spouse Be Who They Are

My friends Craig and Ashley are happy to share what works in their marriage. They have been married over a year and a half. Ashley comments:

"My husband Craig thanks me all the time for "letting him be him". This approach helps us be happy. Early in our relationship when I would make cookies or muffins, as soon as the timer would beep Craig would rush over to the oven with me and as I was pulling out the tray he would grab one of the treats... I would get so frustrated telling him he needed to wait so I could see which one was ugliest and have him take that one in case I was giving the treats away to family or friends. Wow, pretty rude of me. My husband deserves the best, he deserves to get first pick. I changed my way of thinking and grew to love the fact that he wanted one of my baked goods as soon as it came out of the oven! Sometimes now I even tell him, I'm about to get the tray out of the oven, come pick one. This is an example of me letting him be him, letting him live true to himself and not trying to boss him around."

Ryan laughed after reading this. He said maybe I should just let you eat the cooked meat straight out of the frying pan from now on. I said, "Yes, I think that's a great idea!"
We are talking about letting your spouse be who they are in the little things that really don't matter in the end. We are not talking about things that are inherently right or wrong. 

So, how can you let your spouse be who they are?

Full-Time Mission with an Eternal Companion

My parents just got called to serve as missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for their third time. They've already served in Brazil and Australia. This time they get to serve in the United States. I'm very excited for them.

As their daughter, I've noticed that they seem much closer as a couple since serving missions together. So, I asked my Dad about it. He mentions that the missions have been good for them because they do good things together, make memories together and make a lot of good friends.  All these things have been very bonding for them as a couple. They also love watching the Gospel change peoples' lives for the better throughout the world.

All these missions together give new meaning to the phrase "eternal companion".


For a long time I've thought how cool it'd be for Ryan and I to go on a mission together one day. To me it would mean three important things:

• we'd still be married!
• we were still healthy enough to serve
• we were still faithful in the Gospel

Hopefully we'll get to serve together one day, too.

Aprons and suits

Dad is in charge of food on weekends at our house, and Mom doesn't usually even go in the kitchen on Sunday. I (Dad) recently noticed a pattern on Sunday afternoons: when we get home from church, everyone is starving so I head straight into the kitchen, put on an apron over my suit, and start cooking. Usually we move on to making Sunday Treat once lunch is under control, and depending on how long that takes (the kids usually help) dinner might not be far away. The apron (and the suit) often stay with me until the kids go to bed.

At one point it occurred to me that I should feel strange wearing an apron over dress clothes, but it really doesn't bother me. Then I realized that my own Dad has been wearing an apron over his suit on Sunday afternoons for as long as I can remember, and Grandpa did the same. Rumor has it that the neighbors used to heckle Great Grandpa when he not only wore an apron but did it outdoors while hanging the laundry out to dry. "Hey Fred, you doin' woman's work again?" they'd ask. He'd just smile and shrug, then finish the job before heading back to the house, laundry basket in tow.

Looking back through our early photos, it seems I didn't start out with a proper apron.

It doesn't seem to have gotten in the way of Sunday cooking, though.

A few years after we married Leah made me an apron.

She even sewed a little heart on one corner.

I'm not sure how vital a man's apron has been to these four generations of marriages, but it definitely hasn't hurt. I'm sure Mom and two Grandmas appreciated the help just as much as my wife does. It also shows that the patterns we set can carry strongly through multiple generations and color the experience of descendants we won't even live to meet.