How to Build Trust

"Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly." - Hymn 241

These words spoke to me through the Holy Ghost during church a few weeks ago. Church during Covid is a really spiritual place. We do not really get to socialize, we don't get to sing, we don't listen to long talks, we do cover our faces with face masks, we do flinch whenever somebody coughs, and it's too short even for the kids to get fidgety. The reason I go to church during Covid is because we do get to focus on Christ by taking the sacrament each Sunday, praying together, and pondering while the organ plays hymns. It was while listening to the hymn "Count Your Many Blessings" that inspiration came for how to make steps towards fixing my personal issue with 'trust'.

For some reason trust is something I lack. I have never understood why I lack trust, but I do. Trust is so critical for a healthy relationship to survive. I have studied trust for some time trying to figure out how to fix my lack of trust. 

The Spirit helped me understand that 'gratitude' could help me build trust. I did just like the song lyrics suggested and started counting my blessings. This time I counted my blessing for my husband. I reached about 52 and had filled a page, when I decided to go ahead and share my list with my husband. The process of making the list was delightful. Thinking of all the things I love about my husband, built trust that if he was with me for all of those things, he'd be with me for many more. It also built trust that he has shown me he loves me in so many ways and he will continue to show me he loves me in the future. Like I said, I don't know why I lack trust; but, now I know how to help build trust at least a little bit.

Count Your Many Blessings

1.When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed,

When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost, 

Count your many blessings; name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

Chorus

Count your blessings;

Name them one by one.

Count your blessings;

See what God hath done.

Count your blessings;

Name them one by one.

Count your many blessings;

See what God hath done.

2. Are you ever burdened with a load of care?

Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?

Count your many blessings; every doubt will fly,

And you will be singing as the days go by.

3. When you look at others with their lands and gold,

Think that Christ has promised you his wealth untold.

Count your many blessings; money cannot buy

Your reward in heaven nor your home on high.

4. So amid the conflict, whether great or small,

Do not be discouraged; God is over all.

Count your many blessings: angels will attend, 

Help and comfort give you to your journey's end.

Words by: Johnson Oatman Jr., 1856 - 1922

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Kneel Together

Kneel together in prayer at the beginning and end of each day to thank your Heavenly Father for one another and to unite in asking for His blessings on your lives, your home, your loved ones, and your righteous desires.--
True to The Faith Manual

As sure as the sun sets and rises each day, we should pray every morning and every night.
We definitely can work on praying together in the mornings. We have down the praying together every night.

8 year old marriage advice

From the Viewpoint of an 8 year old:

A couple should make time for each other.

"Once in a car I saw my parents holding hands. It gave me the idea that lots of times people don't even know like what there husband is doing at work. They don't tell each other their problems. They should be able to have a relationship more. They should do family activities more".

Mother's Day

"Never leave a guy while he is down, that's just cruel", my Mother has been saying this as long as I can remember. Now she gracefully living it.

"Walk and roll" has become a frequent occurrence. My parents both love to get out of the house. It is Covid season and there's not a lot of visitors at the moment. My Mom helps my Dad with every step of getting ready. If you can imagine yourself getting ready for the day, then, imagine that you cannot do ANY of it by yourself anymore. Mom helps with all of it. The socks at the end of getting ready are sometimes more than she can handle, if they're skipped Dad doesn't say anything. Eventually my Dad is ready. Then, he uses his strength to get in his wheelchair and it begins. The "walk and roll". They can use the beautiful, fancy wooden ramp in their garage to get out of the house and then they're free. You know free to go wherever there are sidewalks with wheelchair curbs and not too many cracks in the sidewalk that can really jostle my Dad who is using just a seat belt to keep him in his chair. There are speeds to adjust on the wheelchair to navigate the awful quality sidewalks.
During a recent "walk and roll" my Dad's hat flew off in the middle of one of the busiest intersections in our city. Mom heroically rescued the hat and they continued the trip.

 It wasn't always like this. My parents have enjoyed good health most of their lives. They have stayed active and have had healthy habits and that helps a lot. Then, after about 45 years of marriage, my Father was diagnosed with ALS. It's one of those degenerative diseases. So, he is slowly losing control of his body and will die from the disease when the time is right.

Who complains the most about ALS? Do you think it's my Dad who can't do the things he's always been able to do? Or do you think it's my Mom who is the primary caregiver and literally helps Dad with everything he does?

I only hear their gratitude. They are grateful to still be together. They are grateful that Dad can still eat. They are grateful that he can still get into his wheelchair. They are grateful that he can still talk. They are grateful that my Dad doesn't fall. They are grateful he can bless the sacrament in their home while church is suspended due to Covid. They are literally grateful that he can still breathe. They are grateful to be married in a way that they know is an eternal marriage that continues after my Father dies. They are grateful that he, like all of us, will be resurrected and will no longer need a wheelchair in heaven.

Guess what? I'm grateful too. I'm especially grateful on this Mother's Day to have such a lovely Mom who can handle life's uncertainties so gracefully. I'm also grateful for a patient Father who can handle ALS so manly. I love you both. Happy Mother's Day.

One more short story: A long while back I was at my parent's house, while a lot was happening. My Dad asked my Mother hopefully for a glass of orange juice which he cannot get by himself anymore. She wanted to get him one but quickly got distracted and didn't get to it. My Dad waited patiently for some time. Eventually after a long while the situation was brought to my Mother's attention and she remembered the juice and got some for him. I loved the patience of my Father.

Love that lasts the Eternities

Like all Christians right now, my family cannot go to church on Sunday because of meeting restrictions to fight COVID-19. Naturally we have church at home. We have a reverent sacrament. Even my littlest will sit still for this; he gets bread and water. Then, we have a sacrament meeting with the whole family. For Easter we had two talks and lots and lots of musical numbers. My husband gets just as in to giving a talk at home as he does at church. He spent a long time preparing it for us.

My husband was talking about the Savior's Atonement. Not only did Christ suffer for our sins, but he also suffered for the affects of our sins on other people, so those can be made up as well. This is standing out to me: He made up for the sins even as much as they affect the other person or people we sinned against. Otherwise no relationship could last through the eternities because little injustices in even the best relationship would add up over time and be too hurtful to stay together. There would always be these injustices because we just aren't perfect.

Tonight I began thinking, how this must be part of the doctrine for eternal families. I know my Church has the priesthood that can seal a family together forever. But, what I didn't realize is that this doctrine of Christ's Atonement forgiving us of our sins and helping us to forgive others was also part of what makes eternal families possible.

Romantic Love is a Prelude

Romantic love is incomplete, it is a prelude.

Mature love has a bliss not even imagined by newlyweds.

This 92 year old man, Boyd K Packer, was married nearly 70 years when he gave a talk about a "cookie and a kiss" when he said the above quotes on marriage. 

He has a perspective on love that is rarely mentioned in books and certainly I haven't seen a Hallmark movie about a married couple growing old together. However, from what I've seen of 17 years of marriage, I believe "mature love has a bliss not even imagined by newlyweds". 

Here is one more gem from this great talk:

When it comes to my wife, the mother of our children, I am without words. The feeling is so deep and the gratitude so powerful that I am left almost without expression.

Support for Victims of Cornavirus

After posting my thoughts on how Coronavrus might affect my family, I realized that it probably seems like I didn't care about people throughout the world who are suffering from it right now.
That's not true. I actually contribute money monthly to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to help with disasters like this one. You can read this article about their medical contributions in China. I donated double this month to help with relief for those already affected by Coronavirus.

This video may help you understand the Church's part in helping with disaster relief in China.

Coronavirus

Coronavirus is big news these days. So many are dying from it and it's spreading rapidly. It was abroad, now it's in my state. People are concerned. They feel the need to prepare for the worst. Costco sold out on water this weekend. That's a big deal. I received a flier this weekend from Public Health listing the normal things I'd expect. Stock up on water, food and essentials.
Then it lists other things to think about like prepare for healthcare providers to be full, stay away from public places, etc. This one really caught my attention: decide who will watch the kids if schools are closed.
Because I'm a stay-at-home mom, I had to think about the implications of that for a minute. There are some serious advantages to being a stay-at-home mom if this is how your life has panned out. I never have to worry about who will watch the kids, someone is always available to do the shopping, driving, errands, cooking, cleaning, homework help, play dates, birthday parties, sick kid care, and whatever happens on a particular day with the kids.
We tried the two parents working thing at the beginning of our marriage. To be more accurate it was two parents trying to study at the University. When we had our first child, I decided one of us had to be doing all those things listed above. So, I quickly graduated and only had to cancel a double major in a field I didn't want to go into. Full time parenting has always been my choice.
It's easier on our marriage for Ryan to be able to do the money earning and me to do the rest. Don't worry- he's helpful with my chores and I'm helpful by always spending less than he makes. The way we're set up, things like Coronavirus don't have to be a major discussion of who will work and who won't. If the kids can't go to school, I'll entertain, nurse them back to health and teach them at home. Fun job for me if they don't get sick. Ryan will keep working, but switch all work trips to internet calls.

Plenty of Good Apples

Apples are so delicious. I love apples. They are so healthy. Since they're full of Vitamin C they may help chase away colds. There are many different flavors of apples. My favorite ones are so fresh from the farm that they have a strong apple smell when I walk past. Occasionally there's a bad apple in the mix. You've seen them. There's just something bad that got inside and rotted the inside of the apple. Those apples might even look good on the outside but once they're cut into it's pretty obvious that something is wrong. These occasional bad apples have not lessened my enthusiasm for eating apples. An apple is still healthy and delicious to me.

This is just like marriage. Marriage is so wonderful. I love marriage. Marriage is healthy for the body and the spirit. Marriage is the best way to raise a family. I love a marriage that just works well for husband and wife. Occasionally there's a bad marriage. For some reason or another something bad gets in between the husband and wife. The marriage is horrible for one or both partners. The marriage might look alright to others, or it might be obviously broken to everyone at a glance, either way the couple knows it's not working. So, it's a bad marriage. These bad marriages do not lessen my excitement for marriage. Marriage is still wonderful to me. I love marriage.

Forgiving

Recently, Ryan and I got mad at each other. Then, after a cool down, I said sorry for not being patient with him. He said sorry for whatever he had done wrong(I can't remember now). We hugged and I felt so close to him. It felt really good to have a mutual apology. I'm not sure why that's a novel feeling after 17 years of marriage together. We haven't fought much and mostly just move on with life when we do. I have the motto that "It's more important to stay married than to be right". A simple apology from both of us was really a tender memory from me. I liked that and don't want to forget it.

Happiness

Happiness is letting go of what you think your 

marriage is supposed to look like

 and celebrating it for everything that it is.

This is taken from a Mandy Hale quote where "life" is in place of marriage. I think it works well for marriage too. Celebrate your marriage for what it is instead of what you think it's supposed to be.

Let Nothing Come Between You and Your Spouse

When we were dating, we were spending time with Ryan's much younger siblings. One of them plunked down on the couch right between us. I signaled to Ryan with a 3-2-1 countdown that we'd tickle the particular sibling at the same time. We managed and with indignation the sibling hopped up and never tried to sit between us again. Our children are quite used to this ritual. They know even if they were there first and one parent ends up on each side of them that they better jump up quickly and find another seat or they'll be tickled. This is a fun way for us to illustrate never letting anyone or anything come between you and your spouse.

Determine that nothing will ever come between you and your spouse to disrupt your marriage. Resolve to make your marriage succeed, in spite of challenges that may arise. --
True to the Faith Manual

Think Twice About Leaving

"Altogether too many men, are leaving their wives at home in the morning and going to work, where they find attractively dressed and attractively made-up young women, regard themselves as young and handsome and as an irresistible catch. They complain that their wives do not look the same as they did twenty years ago when they married them. To which I say, 'Who would, after living with you for twenty years?'"

President Gordon B Hinckley

Good things come to a faithful man who treats his wife well.

My idea: Try spoiling your wife and treating her as if she did look the same as she did 20 years ago. See what happens, but give it some time.