Fighting in marriage leads to a couple growing further apart and resisting each other. Fighting does NOT usually resolve the issue at hand. Discussing in marriage, if done sensitively, can bring the couple closer together AND solve the problem they are facing.
For example, Ryan and I used to completely disagree on camping. Whenever we even thought about camping, we'd get upset. We were coming from opposing ideas on every aspect of camping. So, our discussions about camping sometimes turned to fights. The successful conversations about camping included a few key elements.
First, express love for each other. "You are worth it. I love you. I want to be with you, even if it means camping together".
Second, discuss the importance of the issue. "Camping could be a really
great thing for us and our family. It is worth trying to figure out a
compromise, so that we can enjoy this activity together".
Third, several short discussions are key. We had tons of short discussions, where we'd just cover one aspect of camping. We'd reach a conclusion or not and end before we got upset. "My favorite part of camping is using a campfire". "I want to spend lots of time around the campfire too." "Great we'll buy wood next trip". "Let's start thinking of food to cook over the campfire". That's it, short and sweet. Another discussion can add more details. If you've spent a little while on a conversation and didn't get anywhere, don't worry just say, "let's talk about this later. Not never, just later". Schedule the conversation if you need to.
