Coronavirus

Coronavirus is big news these days. So many are dying from it and it's spreading rapidly. It was abroad, now it's in my state. People are concerned. They feel the need to prepare for the worst. Costco sold out on water this weekend. That's a big deal. I received a flier this weekend from Public Health listing the normal things I'd expect. Stock up on water, food and essentials.
Then it lists other things to think about like prepare for healthcare providers to be full, stay away from public places, etc. This one really caught my attention: decide who will watch the kids if schools are closed.
Because I'm a stay-at-home mom, I had to think about the implications of that for a minute. There are some serious advantages to being a stay-at-home mom if this is how your life has panned out. I never have to worry about who will watch the kids, someone is always available to do the shopping, driving, errands, cooking, cleaning, homework help, play dates, birthday parties, sick kid care, and whatever happens on a particular day with the kids.
We tried the two parents working thing at the beginning of our marriage. To be more accurate it was two parents trying to study at the University. When we had our first child, I decided one of us had to be doing all those things listed above. So, I quickly graduated and only had to cancel a double major in a field I didn't want to go into. Full time parenting has always been my choice.
It's easier on our marriage for Ryan to be able to do the money earning and me to do the rest. Don't worry- he's helpful with my chores and I'm helpful by always spending less than he makes. The way we're set up, things like Coronavirus don't have to be a major discussion of who will work and who won't. If the kids can't go to school, I'll entertain, nurse them back to health and teach them at home. Fun job for me if they don't get sick. Ryan will keep working, but switch all work trips to internet calls.

Plenty of Good Apples

Apples are so delicious. I love apples. They are so healthy. Since they're full of Vitamin C they may help chase away colds. There are many different flavors of apples. My favorite ones are so fresh from the farm that they have a strong apple smell when I walk past. Occasionally there's a bad apple in the mix. You've seen them. There's just something bad that got inside and rotted the inside of the apple. Those apples might even look good on the outside but once they're cut into it's pretty obvious that something is wrong. These occasional bad apples have not lessened my enthusiasm for eating apples. An apple is still healthy and delicious to me.

This is just like marriage. Marriage is so wonderful. I love marriage. Marriage is healthy for the body and the spirit. Marriage is the best way to raise a family. I love a marriage that just works well for husband and wife. Occasionally there's a bad marriage. For some reason or another something bad gets in between the husband and wife. The marriage is horrible for one or both partners. The marriage might look alright to others, or it might be obviously broken to everyone at a glance, either way the couple knows it's not working. So, it's a bad marriage. These bad marriages do not lessen my excitement for marriage. Marriage is still wonderful to me. I love marriage.

Forgiving

Recently, Ryan and I got mad at each other. Then, after a cool down, I said sorry for not being patient with him. He said sorry for whatever he had done wrong(I can't remember now). We hugged and I felt so close to him. It felt really good to have a mutual apology. I'm not sure why that's a novel feeling after 17 years of marriage together. We haven't fought much and mostly just move on with life when we do. I have the motto that "It's more important to stay married than to be right". A simple apology from both of us was really a tender memory from me. I liked that and don't want to forget it.

Happiness

Happiness is letting go of what you think your 

marriage is supposed to look like

 and celebrating it for everything that it is.

This is taken from a Mandy Hale quote where "life" is in place of marriage. I think it works well for marriage too. Celebrate your marriage for what it is instead of what you think it's supposed to be.

Let Nothing Come Between You and Your Spouse

When we were dating, we were spending time with Ryan's much younger siblings. One of them plunked down on the couch right between us. I signaled to Ryan with a 3-2-1 countdown that we'd tickle the particular sibling at the same time. We managed and with indignation the sibling hopped up and never tried to sit between us again. Our children are quite used to this ritual. They know even if they were there first and one parent ends up on each side of them that they better jump up quickly and find another seat or they'll be tickled. This is a fun way for us to illustrate never letting anyone or anything come between you and your spouse.

Determine that nothing will ever come between you and your spouse to disrupt your marriage. Resolve to make your marriage succeed, in spite of challenges that may arise. --
True to the Faith Manual

Think Twice About Leaving

"Altogether too many men, are leaving their wives at home in the morning and going to work, where they find attractively dressed and attractively made-up young women, regard themselves as young and handsome and as an irresistible catch. They complain that their wives do not look the same as they did twenty years ago when they married them. To which I say, 'Who would, after living with you for twenty years?'"

President Gordon B Hinckley

Good things come to a faithful man who treats his wife well.

My idea: Try spoiling your wife and treating her as if she did look the same as she did 20 years ago. See what happens, but give it some time. 

The Only Thing They Got To Take With Them

I caught the last few minutes of a radio show once about marriage. They were stressing the importance of marriage since the beginning of the earth. When they stated that "the only thing Adam and Eve got to take with them from the garden was their marriage", that really clicked with me. They only took each other when they left. God validated marriage when that happened. I'd like to mention your marriage is one of the few things you get to take with you when you leave this earth life, also.

 

image from lds.org

When I was little I went to the church to pick up my older sisters from their weekly youth activity. They had the church set up like eternity. One room was the "pre-existence" where they taught the youth the purpose of the activity was to avoid all the distractions in the church and stick to the path that gets them back to heaven with Heavenly Father. If they made it there was a "Heavenly Room" with a beautiful white haired couple dressed in white telling them what a good job they had done. As far as I know there wasn't any "marriage" in this scenario. However, they had done a great job with the distractions. I peeked in the gym and found some of the youth playing basketball and some man pretending to be Satan, trying to help them keep playing basketball long enough to miss the "Heavenly Room" talk.
I was always wistful that I didn't get to do this activity when I got older, but that's how it goes sometimes. What I appreciated was how clear it made the purpose and brevity of life for me. We come to earth, we get bodies, we are tested, we are put in families/marriages, and we die and go back to heaven. What do we get to take with us at the end? Just our bodies(after Resurrection) and our families. I don't think people's marriages would end so easily, if they just understood all of this. The things they give up their marriage for, are empty hooks. Or should I say empty hoops: like the youth playing basketball in the gym when they should have been in "heaven". Anyway, they give up their marriages for a million different reasons, but none of those reasons matter anymore after they die. If they could just see that their marriage is one of a very few of their most valuable possessions (considering it's eternal nature), then they'd nurture it much longer instead of trading it in for something else.