George and Martha Washington

One couple who appear to have a marriage that worked was:
George and Martha Washington.
Their marriage was enjoyable to read about and learn from.

I like this part:
"They fell into a pattern of routine with the President holding open receptions to any clean respectable males on Tuesday afternoons. Martha had her own receptions on Fridays open to both men and women. Sundays were family days, first going to church at St. Paul's and various outings with the grandchildren in the afternoons."

One night a week for their receptions seems like a good plan. I don't know if they invited each other to their receptions or not. Either way, having one night a week to do something wholesome the way you like without your companion seems healthy.

I stress one wholesome activity without your spouse a week, because of a story we ran across once.
Ryan and I were shopping at Costco. We were on different aisles and he had a baby in his cart along with the food. Two ladies approached him and started cooing over the baby. One lady said something like, "I bet you take the baby to the bars and pick up on all the women there?" Ryan said "no, I don't". They clarified, "you don't use the baby to pick up on women at the bars?" Ryan restated more clearly, "No, I don't drink, I don't go to bars and I don't use the baby to pick up on women." The one lady looked at the other and said, "See, I told you good men still exist!" Since that conversation, I think it's important to add stress to the wholesome in one wholesome recreational activity a week.
My mother-in-law has spent one night a week going to orchestra rehearsals for decades. She loves it and never wants to miss it. It's good for her. Since, it's good for her, it's good for her husband too. This is a perfect way to have one wholesome recreational activity a week.

Marriages of the Leaders of the LDS Church

Marriages of LDS Church Leaders
Here's some fun little stories about church leaders falling in love and meeting their spouses.

“I saw her first in Primary,” President Hinckley says with a laugh. “She gave a reading. I don’t know what it did to me, but I never forgot it. Then she grew older into a beautiful young woman, and I had the good sense to marry her.”

After that sunrise service, he saw a young woman coming out of a grove of trees. Not only was he struck by her beauty, but at that moment the words of President David O. McKay came to his mind: “If you meet a girl in whose presence you feel a desire … to do your best, … such a young woman is worthy of your love” (Gospel Ideals, Salt Lake City: Improvement Era, 1953, p. 459). “That was exactly how I felt as I saw Kathleen for the first time,” says Elder Eyring.

While trying to win over Harriet’s heart, Dieter F. Uchtdorf would frequently ride his bike to her house, hoping to give her a ride to a church function. She was usually unavailable, but Harriet’s mother would take the ride instead. “Actually, looking back,” he says, “I recognize that it doesn’t hurt at all to be on good terms with the mother of the girl of your dreams.”

Walt and Lillian Disney

Walt and Lilly (image credit: [3])

The more I learn about Walt and Lillian Disney's marriage, the more I like it. They met at work, where she was a secretary. Walt would drive the girls home and drop Lilly off last, even though she lived the closest. They married in an episcopal church and had two daughters.

During her marriage, Mrs. Disney served as her husband's sounding board and unofficial adviser. By all accounts he would discuss his ideas -- from Snow White to the creation of Disneyland -- with Lilly and sought her approval. On a train ride from New York City to Los Angeles, after a serious business setback, Mr. Disney came up with a new character: Mortimer Mouse. ''Not Mortimer,'' said his wife. ''It's too formal. How about Mickey?" [1]. We know how helpful that discussion was!

In the 1990s Lilly reflected on her 41-year marriage to Walt as she said, "We shared a wonderful, exciting life, and we loved every minute of it. He was a wonderful husband to me, and wonderful and joyful father and grandfather" [2]. Walt had named many of his favorite Disneyland trains after Lilly.

Their cute marriage, in particular the part about being a sounding board got me thinking about how to be a good "soundboard" for my husband, so when he creates "Mortimer" I can help him to see that it can be "Mickey". But, how? My husband has his PhD in computer databases and I've never taken a computer class since my junior high school typing class. So, how do we talk? Well mostly we talk about other things. He has definitely used me as a sounding board many times for his great computer ideas. Sometimes I just think about something else and let him talk- it's really a nice way to fall asleep. :) Other times, I'm a better sounding board and I listen for terms that are familiar to me (I've developed quite a vocabulary of computer terms).  Ideally I would be interested when he talks about computers and try to figure out ways to participate and add my "Mickey" advice. It worked for Walt and Lilly, maybe it can work for us too.

Do you have "Mickey" moments in your marriage when you're being a sounding board and you help your spouse create something great? Or do you miss "Mickey" moments when you put on your glazed eye look and start thinking about something else when your spouse talks?

Mark Twain's marriage

Samuel Clemens, also known as Mark Twain, was known for his strong opinions and his willingness to state them bluntly. He was a prolific writer of scathing letters and editorials, attacking both real and perceived insults and injustices with his famously sharp wit.

I once read that Twain's wife was in charge of the mail, and that she quietly discarded most of those angry letters on the way to the post office. Whether that was true or not, we do know he eventually came to appreciate the value of the unsent angry letter for himself, and the "unallowable frankness & freedom" it offered.

An old poem states:

Boys flying kites haul in their white winged birds;
You can’t do that way when you’re flying words.
“Careful with fire,” is good advice we know
“Careful with words,” is ten times doubly so.
Thoughts unexpressed may sometimes fall back dead;
But God Himself can’t kill them [once] they’re said.
        Will Carleton—The First Settler’s Story. St. 21.

Abraham Lincoln and Mary Todd Lincoln

Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln may have had a difficult marriage. It's said that they couldn't communicate well. When something went wrong Mary would scream and throw things. Abe would just withdraw and walk away. I wanted to find out more about this marriage. I learned that they had trouble with food too.

Mary had been raised on fancy expensive delicacies. Abe on the other hand had been raised on very he plain inexpensive food. Abe wanted cornbread, mush, bacon, eggs and milk. Honey was a delicacy for him. When Mary set out food such as "Aspic of Tongue, Pate de Foie Gras, Turkey stuffed with Truffles, and all sorts of wild game, such as venison, pheasant, or canvasback duck" Abe would probably just pick at his food. Learn more about what went wrong. The food disagreements were probably a side-effect of bad communication and lack of compromise in their marriage.


Ryan and I had our very first disagreement as newlyweds about food. One of us wanted canned corn, while the other wanted frozen corn. That disagreement was solved long ago when I developed an allergy to a preservative in canned food. Today we eat corn-on-the-cob or frozen corn.

In our kitchen now there are onions which I bought just to make Ryan happy. There is fresh broccoli Ryan bought to make my favorite dish, Beef with Broccoli. And I just hastily cooked up the last of the potatoes, because we always disagree on how to store and wash them. So, I guess our food represents our marriage. Mostly we try to please each other, but we definitely have our disagreements.

So, does the food in your house represent compromises, tolerance or problems between husband and wife?


Information about the food of Abraham and Mary was taken from The Food Timeline . Also from ---The Presidents' Cookbook, Poppy Cannon and Patricia Brooks [Funk & Wagnall's:New York] 1968 (p. 236-7).